December 2017

Thanks to their being new at things like writing and telling left from right (something that even some fully-formed adults have trouble with), a good number of children write Christmas letters to Satan instead of Santa every year. The Santa/Satan connection has been both a comedy staple and a dire warning from the Christian Taliban for years, but the best version may be this year’s animation, Dear Satan, by Anomaly London. It’s a lovely story, narrated only as Sir Patrick Stewart can, of what happened when Satan got a lovely letter from a child:

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Chillin’ at the Sourcetoad office

by Joey deVilla on December 22, 2017

Click the photo to see the chilled-out scene at full size.

That’s Sun-Sin, Sourcetoad marketing manager Graeme’s dog, relaxing in our reception area, waiting for our evening holiday party to start.

In case you were wondering, Sun Sin is named after the great Korean admiral Yi Sun-Sin, who is immortalized in the television drama Immortal Admiral Yi Sun Sin.

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One of many reasons to come to work

by Joey deVilla on December 21, 2017

One reason I love working at Sourcetoad: there’s this friendly face, and that of her sister.

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More lifelike and inspiring than the real thing…

Watch the video below and be amazed at how inspiring — and coherent and non-racist!the newly-installed audio-animatronic version of Donald Trump at Disney World is. Even its motions and hair seem more lifelike than the actual person:

…but still wears his tie like a chump

The audio-animatronic Orange Julius Caesar has a slightly better-fitting suit than his usual illfitting ones…

…but the Imagineers took care to make sure that it’s wearing a too-long tie, just like the real person.

You’d think that going to private school and then Wharton, having a father who could provide you a “small loan of one million dollars”, and hanging out with other people who wear ties daily would mean that you know how to wear a tie, but you’d be wrong. In case you were wondering, here’s a tie length guide:

By the bye, I didn’t make up the bit about being on trial in Florida for sport-humping a manatee — it actually happened, and here’s the defendant and his tie:

“Tayla the manatee slaya” is the embodiment of a joke we told each other in university:
“Q: What do you call a townie in a tie? A: The defendant.”

The question remains: Does the audio-animatronic version of Trump tape his tie, like the real one?

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The (literally) hot new toy of Christmas 2017

by Joey deVilla on December 19, 2017

Click the photo to see this burning sensation at full size.

Last year, it was all about sending glitter to people you don’t like. This year, it’s about giving “My First Fire” to their kids!

Click the photo to see this burning sensation at full size.

This is a real product available on Amazon, but it’s just a prank gift box and not actually a set for kids ages 2 and up to start their own fires. Ah well.

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The judgmental map of Tampa Bay

by Joey deVilla on December 18, 2017

Click the map to see the original at Judgmental Maps.

“Alex S.’s” map is pretty accurate, and nowhere near as racist as the one for Vancouver. In case you were curious, I live in “Older Suburbs”.

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It’s going to be a warm week leading up to Christmas in Tampa Bay, starting with some thick fog. I’m going to have to set aside some patio bar time this week!

For those of you outside the three countries that don’t use Herr Doktor Fahrenheit’s old-timey system for measuring phlogiston, I’ve added the temperatures in Celsius to the weather report above.

St. Pete’s new 85-tap serve-yourself beer bar opens!

Okay, local friends — when are we going to St. Pete’s Pour Taproom, which boasts 85 serve-yourself taps? They just opened, and it appears that they have a solid selection, including gluten-free beers.

Pour Taproom charges by the ounce, not by the glass, which makes it easier to try a small sample of something and see if you like it. The combination of a Disney World-like wristband and sensors on each tap make it so that you can serve yourself while they tally up your bill. Their prices range from 20 to 90 cents an ounce.

Find out more:

Win a hydroponics business in this essay contest!


This will sound like a fantasy to a number of my friends with a writerly bent, but it’s real: Allan Bednar, owner of Simply Hydroponics and Organics, a 25 year-old business based in Largo (a 40-minute drive southwest of my place), will give it to the person who writes the best essay explaining why he should do so. That’s right: you can win a business by winning an essay contest!

Entries will be accepted through March 15, 2018, and the winner will be announced on April 2, 2018. The original announcement date was scheduled to be April 1, but too many people forgot that this is Florida and assumed that the contest was an April Fool’s prank.

Find out more:

Florida mayor resigns for a very Florida reason

Florida leads the nation in identity theft, and is famous for people making terrible choices for insanely petty reasons, so it’s only natural that someone would combine the two. Teresa Bradley had to resign from her position of Mayor of Davenport, Florida (it’s just under two hours east of Tampa) after it was discovered that she was parking in handicapped spaces with permits acquired by stealing dead people’s identities.

“I’m representing myself, your honor.” Hilarity ensues.

The Tampa Bay Times has an amusing article about the Florida men and women who choose act as their own attorney in court. One of them did jury selection by asking potential jurors: “Do you like pets? Do you think I look like Charles Manson? Do you hate my hair?”

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