December 2013

santa blow

It’s how Santa gets all his energy for his Christmas Eve mission.

The Santa, No! Tumblr is a great collection of regrettable Santa Claus images. If you like your Christmas humour a little dark and twisted, Santa, No! is for you.

coffin santa

Santa likes to plan ahead.

submissive santa

“We won’t be telling Mrs. Claus about this.”

sad women's underwear santa

This is why children cry when they sit in Santa’s lap. They can sense unhappy cross-dressers.

That last Santa, No! image brought my favourite Christmas carol parody to mind, so I thought I’d share it with you. Here’s Walkin’ ‘Round in Women’s Underwear, done to the tune of Winter Wonderland:

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do they know its christmas

My favourite oddball Christmas greeting is “Feed the people. Stay alive!”, delivered in the best working-class Scottish accent I can muster. It’s what Bruce Watson, guitarist from the band Big Country, says for his portion of the greetings from the Band Aid artists on the extended version of the 1984 charity single Do They Know It’s Christmas?

For your Christmas listening pleasure, here it is. Enjoy!

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The best Christmas present ever (2002)

by Joey deVilla on December 24, 2013

It’s Christmas Eve, and as tradition on this blog dictates, I’m pointing you to a heart-warming (and pants-squirming) story about friendship, the Spirit of Christmas, and the importance of below-the-equator hygiene: The Best Christmas Present Ever, a blog entry from December 24, 2002. Enjoy!

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A Christmas Eve wish for everyone in Toronto

by Joey deVilla on December 24, 2013

christmas is a special earth holiday

Here’s hoping that my fellow residents of Accordion City can flick on a lightswitch at home this Christmas Eve and say…

And if that’s not the case, here’s hoping that this classic, featuring He-Man performing the club version of Four Non Blondes’ What’s Up cheers you up and keeps you warm (and fabulous):

And well, if that doesn’t work, try Yogscasts’s pork-and-barbarian-themed parody of the He-Man/Four Non Blondes video. If it doesn’t cheer you up, at least it’ll have you wondering “what the hell did I just watch?”.

If your tastes run towards ’80s cheese over ’10s weirdness, here’s He-Man and She-Ra: A Christmas Special:

It’s going to be chilly out for the next couple of days while the hard-working crews at Toronto Hydro are probably sacrificing their holiday break to restore power. The temperature is expected to hang around -10 degrees C (14 degrees F)…

hydro workers

…so if you see these guys out on the street, show them some Christmas spirit and thank them for working during the holidays under some pretty bad conditions. Offer to buy them coffee, tea, or hot chocolate — they’re earning it.

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…when you turn the mouse upside-down and see this:

mouse photo

Hand sanitizer. Lots and lots of hand sanitizer.

Whoever owns this mouse is likely indexed in the Creepy White Guys Tumblr.

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wrong number dude

Yeah, I know that our Rob Ford’s official mayoral Twitter account, @TOMayorFord, is maintained by someone (or more likely, a group of someones) other than our Peter Griffin-esque mayor. However, it is maintained by someone employed by City Hall and speaking using the mayor’s position and mantle, so you’d think that they’d at least strive to hand out good information in the middle of a power outage that left more than a quarter million people without heat and power.

Here’s a tweet that appeared on the @TOMayorFord Twitter feed yesterday:

I’ve made a screen capture of that tweet for posterity.

mayor wrong tweet

DO NOT follow this advice. DO NOT call 911 to report a downed electrical line. 911 is for emergencies that threaten life and limb if they’re not responded to immediately. 911 is not for downed power lines; for those, call 416-542-8000.

Luckily, the Toronto Police are providing the right information:

Chances are, the mayor will say that they’re trying to make him look bad because they’ve got a vendetta against him.

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“HELL NO”, the sensible horror film

by Joey deVilla on December 22, 2013

Still from 'Hell No': A cheerleader shows a ouija board to a bookish, sensible-looking guy.

Imagine a horror movie where the young kids on spring break take a look at the decrepit old cabin that they’re supposed to stay in, say “screw this, we’re going to Cabo!”. Where a guy turns down an invitation to spend a night in a haunted insane asylum with the cheerleading squad and a ouija board. Where the kid refuses to play with the Hellraiser cube. Where the people refuse to play the cursed videotape that kills you in a week if you watch it. Where the characters have common sense and good decision-making skills.

That movie is HELL NO. And it’s a little anticlimactic. But you’ll be nodding your head and saying “Yeah, that was the right thing to do.”

A little swearing in the video. May not be suitable for your workplace.

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