You are the 9th Most Loathsome Person in America

by Joey deVilla on December 26, 2007

Fat woman in an American flag shirt with clenched fist

…well, according to The Beast’s list of the 50 most loathsome people in America for 2007, anyway. (And yes, we’ve got loathsome types of this sort in Canada as well.)

You

Charges

You believe in freedom of speech, until someone says something that offends you. You suddenly give a damn about border integrity, because the automated voice system at your pharmacy asked you to press 9 for Spanish. You cling to every scrap of bullshit you can find to support your ludicrous belief system, and reject all empirical evidence to the contrary. You know the difference between patriotism and nationalism — it’s nationalism when foreigners do it. You hate anyone who seems smarter than you. You care more about zygotes than actual people. You love to blame people for their misfortunes, even if it means screwing yourself over. You still think Republicans favor limited government. Your knowledge of politics and government are dwarfed by your concern for Britney Spears’ children. You think buying Chinese goods stimulates our economy. You think you’re going to get universal health care. You tolerate the phrase “enhanced interrogation techniques.” You think the government is actually trying to improve education. You think watching CNN makes you smarter. You think two parties is enough. You can’t spell. You think $9 trillion in debt is manageable. You believe in an afterlife for the sole reason that you don’t want to die. You think lowering taxes raises revenue. You think the economy’s doing well. You’re an idiot.

Exhibit A

You couldn’t get enough Anna Nicole Smith coverage.

Sentence

A gradual decline into abject poverty as you continue to vote against your own self-interest. Death by an easily treated disorder that your health insurance doesn’t cover. You deserve it, chump.

{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

Toastie December 26, 2007 at 3:07 pm

I was telling a friend yesterday that nothing in my “blogroll” is “must” reading. No one is providing an essential service with their blogs that I can’t easily live without. Well, I’ve recently found your site, and it’s been adding some satisfaction to my days. This post is wonderful. Thank you.

Joey deVilla December 27, 2007 at 1:16 am

@Toastie: Glad I could help, and thanks for the kind words!

Belicoso December 27, 2007 at 4:32 pm

so true about the knowledge of politics being dwarfed by the knowledge of useless pop culture. No one could get enough of Anna Nicole Smith or the corrupt band of characters she associated with and who have picked up the slack since her death in the way of news-making and greed. Or where Lindsay Lohan finally surfaced after her lengthy stint in rehab, and in contrast I can probably count on one hand the number of people I know who could name their local representative or pick him/her out of a lineup.

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