The Best Way to Attract the Ladies in This Fair City…

by Joey deVilla on June 19, 2005

…is to get a nickname that ends with “Guy”.

Being the Accordion Guy has worked for me, and having a “Guy” moniker has worked for others, as this Toronto Craigslist posting shows:

Dear Portuguese Chicken Guy,

I hear that you are a Jehovah’s Witness and that you attend Kingdom Hall once a week. While I don’t understand your “religion” I have to admit that I do enjoy seeing you dressed up in a suit on a weekly basis when I walk by your “church” bound for the YMCA. Your dedication to that organization must be your only flaw, because other than that you are, in a word, perfection.

The evidence of my burning passion is abundant. Sitting on the College streetcar with my hand pressed up against the glass, I gaze into your shop as I sail by silently with 40 others. I linger outside your window a little when I am on my way to some College St. attraction. I know you like to flirt and when I say that I like the sauce on the chicken to be like me, hot and sweet, I am sure you know that’s a hint. If all that evidence isn’t enough, surely you have noticed the flame in my eyes when I watch you slather breasts and thighs in the sauce of my choosing.

{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Anonymous June 19, 2005 at 4:17 pm

Hmmm, where is the portuguese chicken guy. That post is making me hungry… forget the flirting.

2 Anonymous June 20, 2005 at 1:38 pm

I don’t know

Not sure it’d work for Family Guy

3 Anonymous June 21, 2005 at 9:42 am

Anybody know where I can find Porsche Guy?

4 Anonymous June 21, 2005 at 1:41 pm

He’s busy at the sports bar with Bastard Guy and Arrogant Guy. If he’s hard-up he’ll call.

Ford Guy is giving you the eye but his buddies Nice Guy and Good Guy warn him he’s hitting on the wrong lass.

5 Anonymous June 21, 2005 at 6:17 pm

Nice Guy and Good Guy might be wrong about that. My first love was Dodge Dart Guy, and I had a thing for a guy who was Beatup Shitbox Mazda Guy. I’ve even been in love with No Car Guy.

A girl can dream, though, can’t she? :)

Leave a Comment

You can use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

Previous post:

Next post: