June 2003

Ommmmm…

by Joey deVilla on June 30, 2003

Paul and I have been busy over the past week — he’s working towards a black belt, I’m working towards wrapping up my freelance clients and moving to a new job — so neither of us has had a chance to get our Om Festival 2003 memories together. Paul took the photos, and I will (eventually) write the words.

I don’t have time to give it a proper review, but I’ll give you the Joey Pithy One-Line Review™: “Like Burning Man if the Ewoks Ran It!”.

(And yes, I mean that in the good way. Don’t be harshin’ on Wicket and my homiez.)

Thankfully, other people have documented the event:

Thanks to Marg-Rock The Practical Hippie for telling me that Ceasar posted the pics!

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"Happiest Geek" alive again

by Joey deVilla on June 30, 2003

My technical blog, The Happiest Geek on Earth, is being revitalized. My new job gives me ample opportunity to blog on all manner of interesting programming-related stuff, and some upcoming changes will also make it easier for me to blog about the technical stuff and the life stuff and let you pick what you’d rather read. It’s all good.

Today’s “Happiest Geek” entry is called “Did I come at a bad time?”.

(I promise, the posts will get a little meatier as I wind down my freelance clients and start ramping up the Tucows work.)

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"Did I come at a bad time?"

by Joey deVilla on June 30, 2003

Once, I walked into a room and found a couple in the middle of a doozy of an argument — he was throwing his hands up in the air and walking away in frustration while she sat hunched over in a chair crying buckets of tears. Another time, it was two friends, one of whom had a telephone cord wrapped around the other’s neck, ready to bludgeon him with the mouthpiece. Your experiences may not be the same as mine, but I’m sure you know the feeling.

In preparing for the new job, I decided that I should read up on XML and protocols derived from it, particularly RSS. Looking at the arguing going on, I’m experiencing deja vu.

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The obligatory poop posting

by Joey deVilla on June 30, 2003

You want to ignore this post, but I know you. You can’t.

Bowel Buddy Brand Biscuits

You really have to come over to Canada now, because we lead the way in cool. Consider these:

And now, we have this…

Text: Bowel Buddy package.

I would normally say “I shit you not”, but since two Bowel Buddy wafers have almost 23 grams of fibre, the more appropriate phrase would be “I shit you lots.” According to the literature, some people lose up to five pounds thanks to Bowel Buddy’s erm…ah…cleansing action.

I’ve tried them at the nearby health food store (the one on Queen Street, staffed entirely by cute women). They’re tasty.

So are the wafers (arf! arf!).

Let’s make San Francisco pretty this Christmas!

Now that we’re done with the Canadian poop-altering product, let’s look at the American one:

Photo: Hershey's green chocolate syrup.

Hershey’s green chocolate syrup is part of a tie-in with the Incredible Hulk movie. According to Shelli, this stuff turns your poop (or at least, her toddler’s poop) green.

Now let’s consider the case of San Francisco. There’s a considerable amount of human poop — and yes, you can tell it’s human as opposed to canine without any study — on the streets.

I see a way to make sure the homeless are getting some of their nutrients and making the streets more Christmas-y at the same time, don’t you?

Non-recommended drinking

Photo: A case of Romulan Ale.

This is Romulan Ale, which you can buy at Star Trek: The Experience at the Las Vegas Hilton. All my bodily waste was blue for a day.

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Bike shopping

by Joey deVilla on June 30, 2003

I’d been meaning to replace The Scorpion King — my aging Raleigh Safari 5-speed “cruiser” style bicycle — for some time now. When Deenster’s beloved bike Voodoo Polly got stolen, I gave her Scorpion King and began looking for his replacement.

In case you were wondering, naming bikes isn’t an Accordion City tradition. Deenster did it first, and after hearing that she’d given her bike some kind of art-school-y sort of name, I decided to do the name mine in response, but in a completely diametrically opposed way. Now that she’s got Scorpion King, she’ll no doubt rename him after Marzipan from Homestar Runner or after a minor character in Cats. Or perhaps she’ll name it David Hasselhoff as part of some Gestalt therapy exercise in order to get over her inexplicable fear of The World’s Greatest Lifeguard/Detective (you can’t be afraid of David Hasselhoff if you sit on him every day, right?).

I was going to put off bike shopping until next week. However, while waiting to meet with a client at a busy corner yesterday in the financial district, some bike couriers spotted me.

“Accordion Dude!” said a guy on a Cannondale while making accordion-playing motions with his arms. “Haven’t seen you at Critical Mass in ages! You comin’ tomorrow?”

“Gotta get a new bike first. Gave mine to a friend — hers got stolen.”

“Get one soon. It’s nice weather for a bike ride now.”

He had a point and I had some spare time, so I invited my friend and absolute total bike fiend Eldon to go bike shopping with me.

Our first stop was Canadian Tire (that’s a big hardware store chain for those of you who don’t live in Canada). I’d heard from New Boss Ross that they carried Schwinn Cruisers. It turned out to be a bust; while they had the bikes in stock, they were poorly-assembled and didn’t quite feel right, especially with those coaster brakes. I know they’re more authentic, but I just don’t like them.

We ended up going to Cycle Path, where I know one of the sales guys. He wasn’t there, but a nice sales guy hooked me up with a Trek Calypso with an anthracite paint job, some 1950’s-style aluminum fenders and an aluminum rear basket. I’m more about practicality and style rather than shredding.

(Apparently, getting the rear fender and basket on was a bit of a nightmare for the mechanics; I’m going to have to drop by there with a six-pack by way of saying thanks for all their hard work.)

Photo: The new bike, a late-model Trek Calypso cruiser.

The new bike. The ride on this baby is as smooth, it’s more like a throne on wheels than a bike. This is a catalog photo of the 2001 model. I have the 2002 version, which no longer has the fenders. You’ll have to imagine this bike with chrome fenders and a chrome rear basket. It’s Pee-Wee-riffic!

While we were checking out the cruisers, the shoplifting alarm went off, and our sales guy bolted out the door after the thief.

A couple of minutes later, he returned with a U-lock.

“You know,” said Eldon, “you’ve gotta be dumb if you’re going to shoplift from a store where all the staff are in really good shape.”

“It would make more sense to steal from a store where they’re all couch potatoes, or maybe one where they’re too relaaaaaaaxed, say one like Friendly Stranger,” I said.

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You must choose!

by Joey deVilla on June 29, 2003

Which would you prefer?

A. Everything you do, you do wrong.

B. Everything you do, you do right, but you have to do it three times, the second and third times with no purpose whatsoever.

If you like questions like this — perhaps like me, you’re fond of The Book of Questions — you’ll love the questions at the Web site You Must Choose. They’ve got lots of these A/B questions, and you can also see how other people chose.

(You’ll need Flash 6.)

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There’s a difference, you know…

by Joey deVilla on June 29, 2003

“Joey,” said Tabitha the Cute Hot Dog Stand Girl, “you’re a slut.”

“‘Slut’ is such an ugly word. I prefer the term female enthusiast.”

Recommended Reading

Here’s a National Post article about Accordion City’s 24-hour hot dog stands.

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