March 2003

Art imitates life

by Joey deVilla on March 31, 2003

Cory Doctorow hit the 30,000-word mark on his latest novel, usr/bin/god (ask a geeky friend who uses some version of the UNIX operating system if you don’t get the joke). To celebrate the milestone, he’s posted a 2,000-word snippet which includes this interesting paragraph:

Job interview! He cringed at the words, cringed at the memory of the grueling, humiliating pre-test he’d had to do to even *get* a job-interview, which had included fifteen essay questions on the history of the Internet, the fine points of Microsoft Foundation Classes, and SQL query-syntax. He’d had to define a glossary of no fewer than 30 technical terms, including “PEBKAC” (“Problem Exists Between Keyboard and Chair”), which had been his freaking *login* for five years on an underpowered Solaris box at his ISP.

Regular readers of this blog may recall a posting of mine about having to answer a dozen essay questions — many of which were meant merely to determine my 1337 bona fides rather than any techincal skill or experience — to even get an interview with a particular software company located in downtown Accordion City. After that, there was still the matter of a pre-interview interview, followed by an interview, followed by a presentation.

Cory noted the job interview hoop-jumping I had to do in two entries in BoingBoing back in November. It would seem that those blog entries provided some inspiration for a detail in the story, which seems pretty cool. (The mention of Microsoft Foundation Classes might have also come from me — see this blog entry — most of Cory’s geek friends are either those dirty Linux hippies or glaze-eyed Mac moonies.)

I am, of course, making a wild assumption here. Cory could’ve come up with that detail all on his own. However, as the World’s Most Humble Egomaniac™, my mantra is “It’s all about me.”

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Bet you didn’t know Kim Jong Il had a LiveJournal

by Joey deVilla on March 29, 2003

I’ve kidded Jamie Zawinski that I thought he wasn’t disturbed enough to have a LiveJournal, but I’m sure Kim Jong Il is. And lo and behold, it turns out that “beloved leader” actually has one!

Whoever’s writing it has got the LiveJournal writing style down pat, opting to write Kim Jong Il as a mopey teenager. Here’s a snippet:

I’m not feeling very good about myself today. I guess I build walls around myself because I don’t want people to get too close. Sometimes I wish I could just be normal and not such a Stalinist.

All the writer really needs to do to truly capture the LJ angsty flavour is use a black background and mood icons like:

Today I am feeling: Graphic: LJ mood icon of kitten ennui, but so what else is new?

Here’s my favourite entry so far, a transcript of an IM chat between Kim and Bush. Some of you may find the conversation eerily familiar:

License2KimJongill: hey

License2KimJongill: so listen, if you’re not doing anything next month, i thought it would be fun if maybe we did something

Bush43: LIKE WHAT?

License2KimJongill: i was thinking maybe you could come to pyongyang and maybe we could have nuclear negotiations

Bush43: YEAH! IT SOUNDS LIKE FUN! I’LL INVITE RUSSIA AND JAPAN AND CHINA AND ALL THOSE GUYS. AND MAYBE WE SHOULD HAVE IT AT MY HOUSE INSTEAD

License2KimJongill: oh, um……

License2KimJongill: i kind of thought it would be more fun if it was just us

Bush43: WHAT, YOU MEAN JUST THE TWO OF US?

Bush43: ONE ON ONE?

License2KimJongill: yeah! over here in pyongyang. we could watch the mass games and go frolicking on Mount Paektu. there’s this rainbow

Bush43: I THINK THAT MIGHT BE WIERD

License2KimJongill: what do you mean?

Bush43: LOOK I’M STILL GETTING OVER THIS SADDAM THING OKAY? I THINK I ALREADY TOLD YOU SADDAM IS STILL IN MY LIFE. SO I JUST DON’T THINK IT’S A GOOD IDEA RIGHT NOW

License2KimJongill: oh

Bush43: I’D STIL LIKE TO GO BUT I THINK RUSSIA AND JAPAN AND CHINA SHOULD COME TOO. WE COULD DO A GROUP THING

License2KimJongill: you know what…just forget it

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Other "Coalition of the willing" puns

by Joey deVilla on March 28, 2003

A co-worker has locked up a file that I need to edit and gone for a long, long lunch. Bad, bad coworker. How can I write refugee processing software without that file? Leaving refugee data in an inconsistent state makes Baby Jesus cry. I’ll bet it makes relational database pioneer C.J. Date cry too.

In the meantime, how ’bout some more puns on “Coalition of the willing”?

Farmers Coalition of the tilling
Feather-pen enthusiasts Coalition of the quilling
Oil companies Coalition of the drilling
People making flour Coalition of the milling
Everyone on medication Coalition of the pilling
Hit men Coalition of the killing
Drunk oil tanker captains Coalition of the spilling
A mess of Lisp programmers, all saying “no” Coalition of the NILling
The Thirsty People of Toronto Coalition of the swilling
People who make money off the Thirsty People of Toronto Coalition of the distilling
Several trip-hop and ambient bands organizing a cross-country tour Coalition of the chilling
Several hip-hop bands doing the same Coalition of the illing
The North Korean Army doing the same Coalition of the Kim Jong Illing
Carbohydrates Coalition of the filling
The entire Lilith Fair engaged in onanism
(might not be safe for work)
Coalition of the jilling
(might not be safe for work)

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"Worst dates ever" stories still forthcoming

by Joey deVilla on March 28, 2003

I’m just trying to carve out enought time to write those entries. Work has to take precedence as my landlord, the utilities companies and a number of stores in the market have formed a “Coalition of the Billing”.

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A victory for the accordion buskers

by Joey deVilla on March 28, 2003

Morgan and Vinyl Demon both pointed me to this CNN story that begins with this line:

After two run-ins with police for playing his accordion on the village’s streets, Jacob Kouwe has been cleared to polka.

The aptly-named town of Chagrin Falls, Ohio is a suburb of Cleveland (which, contrary to what Drew Carey will tell you, does not rock in the very least). The sixteen-year-old accordion player started busking in the downtown area of Chagrin Falls in December, playing polkas and hymns on his accordion. His playing drew two complaints to the police: one from a busybody nothing-better-to-do Starbucks employee who claimed that he was “soliciting” and another from a resident who complained that his playing was “tacky”. The police looked into the possibility that Jacob was disturbing the peace by breaking a 1935 law prohibiting the loud playing of musical instruments.

I respectfully suggest that the Starbucks employee get a life. As for the other complainant: anyone who lives in Cleveland is automatically disqualified from calling anything “tacky”; this goes triple for anyone who lives in a suburb of Cleveland.

It worked out in the end: the village council (I can’t help imagining a group of elders carrying torches and dropping black or white balls into the preserved skull of the town founder) ruled that his performances do not disturb the peace. Jacob said the following to the council:

I admit street performances are not the polished, perfected, album-quality fare served up by formal concert venues. However, my street performances are from the heart.

Truer words were never spoken. Well done, Jacob!

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Open Mike at Graffiti’s

by Joey deVilla on March 27, 2003

Here’s an entry I wrote about two weeks ago but never got a chance to post. About two weeks ago, Paul and I played the open mike night at Graffiti’s and had a great time. If you’re in the Kensington Market area tonight at around 11-ish, drop by and hear us play the guitar-and-accordion rock that the government doesn’t want you to hear.

I do believe that The Girl will be dropping by, and if I recall correctly, she promised to throw her underwear at me, a la Tom Jones’ fans. Rock!


Immediately after the gathering with Doc Searls, I hopped a cab and made my way to Graffiti’s in Kensington Market. Graffiti’s has an open mike night on Mondays and Thursdays, and its popularity is growing.

Paul and I have been doing the Open Mike circuit more often. We’ve been performing his new songs and they’ve been pretty well received (I’ll have to pen a magnificent rock opus or two myself). He used to hate the chaos that’s sometimes associated with these nights. “Why are these things so random?!” he’d complain, to which I’d reply “because they’re run by neo-hippies.” He’s also now more comfortable in front of a crowd, enjoying the rush that comes with public performance and learning to handle the randomness that plagues events run by indie rock/folkie set.

Graffiti’s has a glass-and-aluminum garage door as their front window. This is quite nice in the summer, as they often roll it up to let some air in. However, in the winter, it’s a poorly-insulated wall that lets in a lot of cold air. Inside, it was cold enough to see your breath. Apparently the heater wasn’t working that night.

We sat near the stage (which also meant we were in the coldest part of the room) and started talking to the people beside us — Derek and Maggie — who’d driven in all the way from Oakville (Oakville is to Toronto as Newark is to New York City. Sort of.). Maggie had never performed in front of an audience before; this was going to be her big debut.

“Don’t worry too much,” said Paul, “never take it seriously.”

“In fact,” I added, “never take anything seriously.”

It was a pretty nice open mike night. There was considerably more variety than what you’d hear at the Free Times Cafe (supposedly the open mike venue here in Accordion City), but it’s always been a bit grating. Too many skinny self-pitying waifs and naifs performing the same damned “nobody loves me” song on their Takamine guitars. Does Takamine have some kind of “unrequited love”, “just got dumped” or “forgot to take my meds” discount? Paul ended up having a conversation with someone who remarked “The Free Times?! That’s just a clique that’s been going on for the past twelve years!”

Early in the evening, one of the performers asked if there was someone in the crowd who was drunk enough to try playing backup piano on a song they’d never heard before.

“I’m not drunk,” I said immediately, “but I’ll do it.”

“Cool,” he said, “and hey, I love your hat.”

I’m going to have to buy another one of these the next time I’m in Vegas.

Sweat-of-the-pants stuff like this keeps me sharp. The song was a simple I-IV-V in the key of G with a very mellow tempo, so it was pretty easy to follow him. By the second cycle of chords, I’d managed to get a lock on its “shape”. By the end, I’d managed to expand the comping and throw in some nice transition chords to boot. I love improvising.

When I returned to my seat after the song, I told Maggie that I like doing that sort of impromptu thing.

“I get a rush from getting thrown into things like that,” I said.

“You didn’t get thrown in, you jumped in.”

“Good point.”

But really, why live on the sidelines when there’s a whole playing field out there?

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Today’s "What the Hell, people?!" award goes to…

by Joey deVilla on March 26, 2003

…the increasingly rabid Indymedia for this vicious posting:

The grenade attack that took place today in Kuwait is alleged to be committed by another AMERICAN SOLIDER. Repeat. The Grenade attack today was an example of Fragging–not a terrorist attack. This shows that RESISTANCE and REBELLION ARE ON THE RISE! Watch the American Free Press downplay and try to bury this incident. Support our Troops–but only those who Frag their commanding officer.

This is disgusting. It’s one thing to say that you don’t agree with the war, but this is something completely different. These people have pretty much turned in their running shoes and left the human race. They’re no better than some of the commenters on the Little Green Footballs blog.

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Which G.I. Joe character am I?

by Joey deVilla on March 26, 2003

According to this test, I’m some guy named “Barbecue”. I used to watch the TV show after school, but I’ve never heard of this guy:

Barbecue: Firefighter

Barbecue. Cool — he’s got a red accordion on his back!

You’re Barbecue, the firefighter of the team! You come from a long line of firefighters, and you’re willing to do anything it takes if you know you can save someone’s life from a fire. Off-duty, though, you’re a notorious party animal, known to open beer bottles with your teeth! Wow!

Party animal, si! Opening beer bottles with teeth, no! I’m a contract programmer and don’t have a fancy-schmancy dental plan like the G.I. Joe team members.

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It’s a gorgeous day in Accordion City

by Joey deVilla on March 26, 2003

The sun is up, the sky is almost completely cloudless, and it’s about 10 degrees C (that about 50 degrees F for my American friends).

If you’re somewhere inside this lovely weather bubble (or anything like it), see if you can’t squeeze at least fifteen minutes out of your day, step outside and enjoy this.

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Embarassing typo of the month

by Joey deVilla on March 26, 2003

Anita Rowland was the first to comment on a typo I made in the entry about my recording session:

I wanked Doug and Sean through the different accordion reed settings.

Heh.

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Best peace protest sign ever

by Joey deVilla on March 25, 2003


Updated Tuesday, March 25th at 2:50 p.m. EST

Ah, the power of the collective memory of the Web. Morgan points out that the image in the sign was taken from a FARK Photoshop contest.

Thanks, Morgan!


My buddy George Scriban sent me this picture which he took while passing by the peace protests in NYC’s Washington Square Park this weekend. This is great — I was hoping that somewhere in the peace movement, there was someone with creativity, wit and a refreshing lack of self-rigtheousness. A filet mignon on a flaming sword for this sign’s creator!

Photo: Best peace protest sign ever, featuring a Photoshopped pic of George Bush at the presidential podium playing with green toy army men. He's saying 'It'll be like BLAM! BLAM! POW! POW! BLAM! BLAM! KaBOOOSH! ARRRRRRGGGGH! You got me!'

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Layin’ tracks for the Tokyo Tramps

by Joey deVilla on March 25, 2003

I met musician and recording engineer Sean Baillie while gigging with Lindi last year. Sean was called in to help play some backup country-twang guitar for Lindi’s more Lucinda Williams-ish numbers and he was fascinated by the accordion. He added me to his roster of session musicians, telling me that while he had a Rolodex with at least two people for every other kind of instrument — even the bassoon and harp — I was the only accordionist he knew. About a month later, he called me in to record some accordion tracks for Lindi’s single, Good Sunday Morning.

Sean contacted me about two weeks ago to do some session work for him, and then confirmed our session last Friday (during the horrible, horrible poetry). I showed up at Electric Machine Studios early Wednesday evening, and my housemate Paul tagged along to see what a recording session was like.


Electric Machine Studios is in a part of Toronto called Downsview, a wide-open space in the northwestern part of town that used to be a large Canadian Armed Forces base. It’s possible that you’ve seen it even if you’re not from Toronto — it was the site of World Youth Day last summer. The studios are in an area made up mostly of light industry and sports facilities — there’s nothing but small manufacturers, a pricey gym and a big junior league hockey arena, along with some convenience stores and fast food places. It’s a piece of Toronto that’s trying really, really hard to be Camden, New Jersey.

The studio itself is small, but comfortable. Just past the front door is the “chill-out space” with a comfortable couch, a TV set (with PlayStation), fridge, bar and plenty of musician’s magazines. To the left is the business office with a couple of desks and a wall lined with album covers.

Straight past the chill-out space is the control room dominated by a console with a large digital mixing board hooked up to both a PC and a Mac, racks crammed with effects, DAT and CD players and various amplifiers and a number of near-field monitors (read “nice stereo speakers” to those not familiar with recording gear). The control also has a confy couch and some of the most comfortable office chairs I’ve ever sat in (I have to ask Sean where he got them). The west wall of the control room is dominated by a large glass window that looks into the recording room.

A set of thick double doors joins a hallway padded with acoustic foam leading to the recording room. The hallway also acts as a storage area for aluminum cases that contain Sean’s incredibly expensive and incredibly sensitive microphones — each one costs about as much as an Apple Powerbook. You’re not going to find these babies at your local Radio Shack. The recording room itself is large enough for a band to set up, but in most cases, a band doesn’t record “live off the floor”, but one instrument player at a time, after which each individual track is merged into what becomes the final recording.


Sean greeted us and introduced us to Doug, who was producing the album. I took a seat, cracked open a cold Diet Coke and listened to Doug as he told me about the band and what he was looking for.

“The Tokyo Tramps are an all-Japanese roots rock band. It’s headed up by my friend Sotoru.”

“By ‘Japanese roots rock’,” I asked, “do you mean that they’re Japanese and do nack-to-basics rock, or that they do Japanese-flavoured rock?”

“They’re Japanese and do, well…Sean, could you play the first track?”

Sean made some motions with the mouse on the console and the studio was filled with a doleful country-tonk ah-jes-lost-mah-best-girl number. A really good one, at that. I raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah,” said Doug, noticing the expression on my face. “They get a surprised reacting when they play in the States, especially in the deep south. The last thing some “Bluesiana” bar crowd expects to see is four Japanese onstage, and then they get a bigger shock when they hear them sing and play.”


Doug pulled out a chord chart written on musical staff paper with the Berklee School of Music logo printed on the lower-right hand corner fo the page. I saw one sharp on the treble clef. Key of G, I thought. I can jam in that key even when completely sloshed. It was mostly major chords, with an E minor to for bourbon-fuelled regret and some 7th for whiskey-smooth transitions. I listened to the song three or four times, moving my finger along the chord chart as the song played. This was partially for my benefit, and partially for Paul, who was making plans to start taking some music theory classes this weekend. Once I was comfortable that I’d figured out the “shape” of the song and what I was going to do, I told them that I was ready to strap on some headphones and start playing.

“But first,” I said, “which reeds did you want me to use?”

I wanked Doug and Sean through the different accordion reed settings. They settled on the “bassoon” reeds, which are the lowest and bassiest on my “club and studio” accordion, the Crucianelli. For this song, I would be playing mostly “pads” — long, drawn-out chords that would fill the acoustic space.

I emptied my pockets (“I’d best get rid of any jingly stuff,” I said) and then Sean set me up in the dead centre of the recording room and pointed a single condenser microphone towards the grille on the piano-keyboard side of the accordion. I set up the music stand at a comfortable reading height and placed the chord chart on it. I put the headphones on and played a few notes just to get an idea of how I’d sound in the recording.

Sean went back to the controls and then through my headphones said “Shall we do a run?”

“Yeah,” I replied, “I’m pretty comfortable with the number. Let’s rock.”

“There’s an eight-count at the start, with a ba-dum-ba-dum fill on the last two beats…”

“…and I start on the C chord after, right?”

“That’s right,” said Doug, reaching over so that he could be heard on the microphone.

The first take went pretty easily, but then Sean left the controls and walked into the recording room.

“Hey, man, you got anything loose on the accordion? We’re picking up some kind of scraping or squeaking noise.”

“Lemme see,” I said, giving the squeezebox a once-over. Usually, the culprit is a loose bellows strap, but I’d buttoned them down properly. I pressed the air button with my thumb and squeezed the bellows shut, when Sean said “That’s it, that’s the sound!”

It was the creaking of the strap on the button side of the accordion. This is a long leather strap, under which my left hand goes, and the left hand moves the bellows.

“Not much I can do about that,” I told Sean. “No left hand, no air. No air, no sound.”

“Hmm,” said Sean, who thought about it for a moment. “Well, it’s a natural sound of the instrument. Besides, that noise will get lost in the mix anyways. Still, let me go with a more open mike setup.”

He put away the single microphone and took two jet-black cylindrical mikes — they looked more like nunchakus than microphones — and set them up to my right and left. “We’ll go for a stereo recording, which should capture the way sound ‘blooms’ in the room.”

I did two more takes, followed by some “punch-ins” — that’s where you record only a certain part of a song, to correct for minor mistakes.

The second song was a more upbeat number, the kind you expect to hear being played by a band at the kind of bar where you have to protect the stage with chicken wire.

“This is one where you can loose and be way more freeform,” said Doug. “We really haven’t done much arranging on this one, and we’d like you to try and accordion solo.”

They want me to do an accordion solo? Rock!


Their album is due out this spring. I’ll ask if I can at least post excerpts of the song.

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This weekend got a little busy, what with work, finishing off work for old clients, trying to sort out my employment situation (nothing but good news, actually), and what I’ll just sum up as “There’s this girl, right?”. Thanks to a cell phone battery that suddenly didn’t want to hold more than half an hour’s worth of charge, I was accidentally rendered incommunicado.

I owe some people return emails and phone calls. I’ll plough through them today.

Entries containing actual substance will follow.

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This, folks, is the way it’s supposed to be done

by Joey deVilla on March 20, 2003


Minor update: Friday, March 21

I forgot to point out that the gentleman quoted, one Lt. Col. Tim Collins, is a British soldier; he is the commander of the 1st Battalion of the Royal Irish.

A filet mignon on a flaming sword, followed by several beers and an accordion solo to Lieutenant (and remember, it’s pronounced “lef-tenant”) Colonel Tim Collins. Before the start of the attack on Iraq, he made a very moving speech to his troops. In an age of unabated rudeness, rampant xenophobia and “kick his ass and get the gas“, I’m glad to see that someone still cares about dignity and respect, even when going about the very ugly business of war. Whether or not you believe this war is justified, you’ve got to got to agree that this is the sort of thing soldiers should be told.

We go to liberate not to conquer. We will not fly our flags in their country.

We are entering Iraq to free a people. The only flag which will be flown in that ancient land is their own. Show respect for them.

There are some who are alive at this moment who will not be alive shortly. Those who do not wish to go on that journey, we will not send.

As for the others, I expect you to rock their world. Wipe them out if that is what they choose. But if you are ferocious in battle, be magnanimous in victory.

Iraq is steeped in history. It is the site of the Garden of Eden, of the Great Flood and the birthplace of Abraham. Tread lightly there. You will see things that no man could pay to see and you will have to go a long way to find a more decent, generous and upright people than the Iraqis. You will be embarrassed by their hospitality, even though they have nothing.

Don’t treat them as refugees for they are in their own country. In years to come they will know that the light of liberation in their lives was brought by you.

If there are casualties of war, remember, when they woke up and got dressed in the morning they did not plan to die this day. Allow them dignity in death. Bury them properly and mark their graves.

It is my foremost intention to bring every single one of you out alive.

But there may be people among us who will not see the end of this campaign. We will put them in their sleeping bags and send them back. There will be no time for sorrow.

The enemy should be in no doubt that we are his Nemesis and we are bringing about his rightful destruction.

There are many regional commanders who have stains on their souls and they are stoking the fires of hell for Saddam. He and his forces will be destroyed by this coalition for what they have done. As they die they will know their deeds have brought them to this place. Show them no pity.

It is a big step to take another human life. It is not to be done lightly. I know of men who have taken life needlessly in other conflicts. I can assure you they live with the mark of Cain upon them.

If someone surrenders to you, remember they have that right in international law. The ones who wish to fight, well, we aim to please. If you harm the regiment or its history by over enthusiasm in killing or in cowardice, know it is your family who will suffer.

You will be shunned unless your conduct is of the highest for your deeds will follow you down through history. We will bring shame on neither our uniform or our nation.

It is not a question of if, it’s a question of when. If we survive the first strike, we will survive the attack.

As for ourselves, let’s bring everyone home and leave Iraq a better place for us having been there. Our business now is north.

[Taken from a story in the Daily Mirror, found via the blog Raised by Chaffiniches, found in turn via Dave Dutton's comment to a posting in BoingBoing.]

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About the war…

by Joey deVilla on March 20, 2003

Jason Kottke said what I’m thinking better than I could, so I’ll let him do the talking.

The only other thing I have to say is that the crowing and rejoicing about the death of Rachel Corrie on some of the warblogs has been nothing but ungentlemanly and unladylike. Let me make this very clear: civilised people do not behave like that. It doesn’t matter whether you agreed with her or not; we’re supposed to be much better than that, folks.

And to my friends and readers who are currently serving on this mission: come home safe.

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