This is a great family project: a dad, his kids, some home instruments and one of the best synthpop tunes ever written.

Return to the Capital City

I don’t know if the Rideau Canal looks like this right now, but Ottawa is damned cold this time of year. However, it’s the home base of Shopify, where I hold the title of Platform Evangelist, and I make it a point to try and regroup with my team face-to-face every six weeks or so.

I’m due for another visit, so I’m going to be in Ottawa from late morning on Monday, January 30th to late morning on Saturday, February 4th. If you’re based in Ottawa and want to catch up while I’m there, leave a note in the comments, drop me a line via email or send me a tweet at @AccordionGuy!

Home Security

A number of people have asked me if it’s such a good idea to post on the blog when I’ll be away from home. For many people, doing so is a bad idea, but in my particular case, it’s not so bad because:

• My line of work – tech evangelism, or basically being the company’s schmoozer and spokesmodel – is one where it’s better that people know where I’m going to be, so they can catch up with me. If I’m not communicating, I’m not earning my keep.
• My building has the best possible type of security team. Yes, there are security guards, but that’s not the team I’m talking about. The team to which I refer is so good that they catch all sorts of wrongdoing: they’re grumpy retired people who like to watch the lobby cam channel on their TVs. Not only are they good at catching suspicious-looking characters loitering about the building, they’re also good at catching residents breaking the rules. I once got nailed by them for trying to bring in a big piece of furniture without first booking an elevator (and thus getting the padding put up on its walls) – and I was doing so after midnight. Hell hath no passive-aggressive fury like the members of a condo owners’ board.

Found via George “Captain Sulu” Takei, comic by Gary Varvel.

Okay, it’s supposed to be a play on the old “There are starving children in China” line, but the architecture, low table and bonsai tree are actually Japanese. Still, it’s a good joke.

And hey, all us southeast Asians look alike, right?

My camera has been slowly dying since it flew out of my pocket and crashed on the asphalt after my spectacular crash on my first midnight bike ride last summer. Luckily, suburban Tampa is jam-packed with big box stores that were offered the exact same model (Canon Powershot Elph 300HS, the little camera that could) at dirt-cheap prices. While looking about the stores, I snapped photos of products on the shelves that amused me.

“No more bending to clean your feet,” the package promises. And to think, all this time, I’ve been bending over like a chump. If I ever end up in prison, I’m definitely going to order these.

If you’ve always wanted a Snuggie but didn’t like the way they make you look like a member of a religious cult, Forever Lazy is for you. Instead of a robe, it’s oversized pajamas that come with matching slipper socks. Like the Snuggie, it has a hood to keep your head warm; unlike the Snuggie, it features a zippered back hatch so you don’t have to choose between staying cosy and pooping.

There’s nothing that can’t be given the Hello Kitty treatment.

Here’s something that you can get in Florida that I haven’t seen in Ontario: booze and mix, in one package, ready to pick up with you and take to the party. The Jack and Coke combo is a classic…

…although Jack and Coke in a can may be taking it a bit far. After all, the recipe is so simple that the name of the drink is the recipe.

“Rye and ginger” is a common cocktail in Canada, but I confess I’ve never thought of mixing Jameson – a whiskey, so it’s related to rye – with anything.

Over in a section of the store that I’m surprised wasn’t marked with a giant sign that read “GIRL DRINKS” was a giant shelf of Pinnacle vodka. I’d never heard of this brand before; it seems specifically for people who like drinks with names like “Chocolate Choo-Choo”.

As you can see in the photo above, they have cake-flavoured vodka. By “cake”, I assume they mean that it tastes like “yellow cake”, like Cold Stone Creamery’s “cake batter” or Marble Slab’s “birthday cake” ice cream flavours.

There’s also a whipped cream-flavoured vodka, whose silliness can only be topped by…

…chocolate whipped cream-flavoured vodka.

I think that there’s no better way to close this article than with the Kids in the Hall skit titled Girl Drink Drunk:

Take a melodica — a cousin of the accordion in that it’s an air-powered keyboard instrument whose modern form was created by the accordion manufacturer Hohner — add some 90s dance hits, a backbeat and a touch of effects, and you get this killer video.

I’d love to see this movie. Wouldn’t you?

Ottawa Mayor Jim Watson delivered his “State of the City” address yesterday, during which he honoured some of the capital city’s remarkable citizens. Among them were Shopify’s CEO Tobias “Tobi” Lütke and CPO (Chief Platform Officer) Harley Finkelstein for their work in building Shopify. Ottawa Business Journal calls Shopify Ottawa’s fastest-growing company, and it’s one of Canada’s most successful high-tech startups. We often like to say that Shopify is a Silicon Valley company that just happens to be located in Ottawa, and they make my job easy: it’s a damned easy company to evangelize.

Congrats, Tobi and Harley – and thanks for the job!

This article also appears in Global Nerdy.

In my neck of the woods in Accordion City – just north of High Park, a huge area of green in the west end covering 400 acres and just north of Lake Ontario – the big birds who strut about are Canada geese. I wrote about them about this time last year in an article titled The Local Gaggle.

Down in Anitra’s neck of the woods in Tampa, the birds who walks around as if they own the place are a little different…

…they’re peacocks.

These guys have a sort of routine, typically appearing in the mid-afternoon and disappearing before dark. Some of them sauntered about at ground level…

…while others preferred to perch atop the roofs.

Here’s a female – a peahen – resting on someone’s front lawn.

I managed to get a couple of photos of her before she got a bit antsy about my presence and decided to move away.

The males are easy to spot. They’re avian metrosexuals, dressing more fancily than the female of the species.

If you’ve got it, flaunt it!

We looked about for any stray feathers they left behind, but the peacocks weren’t letting any of them go. They just spent their time surveying the real estate.

It was pretty cool seeing these birds in the wild; I’d never seen them outside of a zoo. I’m looking forward to catching them again on my next visit.

After a wave of “Shit $SOME_SUBCULTURE Says” videos comes one whose lines you might find hauntingly familiar if you work in tech: Shit Silicon Valley Says.

Created by husband-and-wife team Tom Conrad and Kate Imbach, it’s bang-on – I’m guilty of having uttered most of the statements made in the video, including:

• “I reblogged it and retweeted it.”
• “I met so-and-so at $SOME_CONFERENCE …or was it Burning Man?”
• “I miss seasons”, which I said during my stint in San Francisco, back in the days of “The Bubble”, and finally,
• “How is this different from Facebook?” which I asked the CEO of the worst-run startup I ever worked at.

Watch, enjoy, and cringe slightly if you need to.

[ Found via TechCrunch. ]

This article also appears in the Shopify Technology Blog and Global Nerdy.

I’ve hung out in and dated girls from both places, and therefore I can assure you with certainty that this Venn diagram is accurate.

(Found at The Frisky via Buzzfeed.)

What’s a guy to do when his local Five Guys is a pain to get to and he’s working from someone else’s home, where there’s one a mere block away? He schedules a little “me time” and has himself a nice bacon cheeseburger, that’s what.

While pouring myself a drink, I took a look at the corkboard that they leave for comments from satisfied customers. This one jumped out at me:

“Five Guys is da shiznet.“ They never would’ve let a card saying “Five Guys is da shit” stay on the board, but apparently hip-hop variants like “shiznet” (and presumably “shizzle”) seem to pass muster. This may be one of those rare moments when making something more “street” makes it more family-friendly. Hollah!

If I worked at Five Guys, I might be tempted to post my own card in reply: “Thanks, biznatch!“

Colin Wright created this image; I found it via Joel Runyon’s Blog of Impossible Things.

…and it follows you around forever.

If you’re in the Toronto area and looking for a gathering of interesting people in the areas of SEO, social media marketing and selling stuff online, you should come down to Archeo restaurant in the Distillery District and catch the Search and Social Rank Symposium tomorrow night (Monday, January 23rd).

The organizers bill it as an evening where I and a number of other speakers will “showcase weird science at the intersection of search engine optimization (SEO) and social media marketing”. Here’s a list of the presentations and presenters:

Leverage the Strength of Shopify to Build Your Dream Store, presented by Yours Truly, Joey deVilla, Shopify

As the self proclaimed “Tech Evangelist” Joey deVilla’s offers his quirky technical genius through the new e-commerce platform Shopify. Shopify allows online businesses to create and design easy to use digital shop fronts. This widely popular platform is host to over 16,000 retailers, including Angry Birds, Tata, Pixar and Amnesty International. The Queens educated Joey deVilla splits his time as master of Shopify by also writing his immensely popular blog Global Nerdy. If these ventures weren’t enough for this fast-paced techno-king he also frequently rocks out onstage as the “Accordion Guy”.

Harness the power of the social coupon, presented by Geoff Whitlock, Direct Response Media Group and Click Clip Deals

Geoff Whitlock is one of the top frontrunners in the interactive media industry. With over 10 years experience he has helmed many different ventures, including President and Lead Digital Strategist for Lifecapture Interactive in Toronto, Research in Motion’s new position of Director of Social Media, and finally striking out on his own to create Direct Response Media Group (DRMG). As well as leading the industry in social media marketing, he is the co-founder of Click Clip Deals. Click Clip Deals is the number one online coupon trading site, which has been adapted to become one of the most popular Blackberry and Apple Apps.

Optimizing the P3 Presentation for SEO, presented by Craig Backman, McLellan Group

Craig brings a unique juxtaposition of left and right brain business thinking to his work. He holds a Chemical Engineering degree from the University of Waterloo and an MBA in Marketing and Entrepreneurial Studies from York’s Schulich School of Business. He spent 14 years at marketing giant Procter & Gamble where he delivered breakout results in Product Development, Advertising and Sales.

Don’t Talk to Strangers: The Art of Smothering Your Brand to Death, presented by Benjamin Allison, Jib Strategic Inc.

Benjamin Allison is a graduate of OCAD University. He has worked in the advertising and design field for more than 12 years. He has been with jib strategic since 2004. He has worked on campaigns for clients such as Apple, Coca Cola, and Honda. Ben is an accomplished musician / composer and brings a unique perspective to his work.

How planting, tending and growing fields of content makes clients rich, presented by Rob Campbell, Lenzr

Rob Campbell, the artist formerly known as Smojoe, is a relevance producer that handcrafts business stories to show up in search engines.  He now manages a clever marketing company called Lenzr Corp that manufactures a natural ‘social relevance’ for clients using a mixture of proprietary tools that both collect and distribute user submitted content. People listen when he talks process because he’s one of the few speakers who will actually get specific with the science and teach empiric knowledge alongside anecdotal accounts of past failures and successes.

TBA, presented by Alex Blom, SalesChoice

Alex Blom is currently the CEO & Co-Founder of SalesChoice, a sales pipeline management and automation tool. Prior, he was the CTO & a Partner of Helix Commerce, where he lead large technology / web initiatives for public, global companies. Prior, he was an organizational troubleshooter and created / exited several web startups.

Want to know more about this event? Check out Rob Campbell’s blog entry.

Where and When

• The date: Monday, January 23rd, 2012
• The place: Archeo restaurant in the Distillery District (55 Mill Street, Toronto)
• Doors open / social / food: 6:00 p.m.. Sandwiches and a glass of beer or wine are included with admissions.
• Presentations start: 7:00 p.m..
• Wifi: will be available at the event
• Admission: $25 + HST, available either online or at the door.

This article also appears in Global Nerdy.

I like to call him the “Italian Cruise Ship Captain of Matrimony”, but I’ll have to hand it to Jon Stewart for having the best line about him:

“First wife, cancer, second wife, multiple sclerosis? Can Newt Gingrich be reclassified as a pollutant?”

(In case you haven’t heard the “open marriage” story, here’s a starter.)